i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The best revenge is premature balding
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
