farters have to be the big spoon...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
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