So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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