oh god the rape fog is back!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
