a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
