Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
