If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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