I wish I could teleport
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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