Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
