Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We have so much sex to catch up on
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
