Your dad touched me again.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
