Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
