Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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