Got a toothbrush?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I lost the right to judge tonight
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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