none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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