I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
