You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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