The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
it glows. i had to have it.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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