Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
