After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
