i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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