Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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