Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
