I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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