Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
