woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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