Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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