i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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