Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
