I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
