nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
