Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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