I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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