it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
