I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
