Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Where is the hickey?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
