My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
