so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
