My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize