I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
