when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I touched a dick in church today
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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