According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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