dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
