Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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