The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
