So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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