You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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