Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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