it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize