Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
