He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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