So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
