Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
