i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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