At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
