That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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