no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Randomize
