The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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