One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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