now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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