hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
