There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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