I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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