Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
