Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
