I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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