Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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