I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
