i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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