There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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