Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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