Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
