I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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