not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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