Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
