I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
