so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
